sometimes i am such a fool. i think i am recovering fine, and i am - for one whole month we stopped contact and i forgot, almost moved on, did other things and got on with life. then when msn conversations resume, awkward meetups and outings continue - who am i kidding? all the old feelings come back. i pretend it is just good friendship and sometimes it feels that way, sometimes i am platonic and calm and not interested. other times, like today; some old things flood back, i remember the one time i asked in hall "so what happens when you don't love me anymore?" how could i have known at that moment how prophetic those words were.

i know these are occasional bouts and overall i am all right, i am not crying myself to sleep or thinking much. i am going out and having fun! and getting into the swing of things. but i want to get rid of this completely! and i am not sure if it is actually the person i miss, or the habit and routine; always having someone to say random things to on msn, to go out with, hugs and all. it is such a terrible thing to realize, how emotionally dependent and attached i become to any single person. i need to go cold turkey and rip the bandage off, EVERYONE has been giving me advice and it is good advice but i don't have the guts to do it, well i really need to follow it now.